100 x 35 Not the Right Size
by Ryou's fan girl
Summary: Russia and Canada killing? well...Why America yells to a bridge and Why France brings bikes? England demanding a painting? since when? Switzerland and Holland stop! both cheese are great! Big problems for a little island! R
1. Chapter 1

_This is a collection of dribbles that ACTUALLY happened on this little country! _

_Hope you read, leave a review and enjoy that is the most important thing! And laugh probably_

_**Warning: Is **__**NOT**__** intended to offend any of the countries involved!**_

It wasn't even close to his sunflower dream, but still he was really excited to go on that vacation he planned months ago. Cheerfully he grabbed his bags and placed it on the bed and slowly opened it. Humming a happy tune he places half of his clothes inside the bags, making sure anything he needed wasn't left behind.

"All done da"

He then grabbed his bag and his scarf and went down stairs; he said good-bye to his servants and moved around the hall that led to his car. He places his packages on the back and makes his way to the airport. Everything was going the way he planned, even thought he waited a little before the woman behind the desk noticed him standing with his plane tickets.

"Oh sir I'm really sorry! May I have your tickets please!" she said smiling

His left eye twitch a little, but he did what he was told. His amethyst eyes saw how the brunette in front of him was talking on her phone with his tickets still on her hands. He crossed his arms on top of the desk, purple eyes firmly on her; the line behind him was growing by each second. He, without knowing started to nibble the sleeve of his coat and started to whisper.

"Excuse me da, but hurry up!" he grabbed her phone and close it. She then proceeds to do her job. Slowly she gave back the tickets and pointed at the left door. He gave her a childish smile and left.

"Sir! The American Airlines if charging fees for the extra weight on your bags!" he turns around and looked at the brunette that backs down shaking. "On second thought, is free!"

Smiling he moved to the door and went to the plane.

After hours of flying he arrived to the other airport. Taking a deep breath he smiled and grabbed his bags put them on the taxi and minutes later he arrived to the hotel. On the front lobby a girl was waving her hand at him. She wasn't that tall or that small and her long brown hair was curl; a red flower was on her left ear and she was wearing a military uniform. Russia closed inspection saw a resemblance of America's uniform.

"Hola Russia! Your flight was delay for a few hours I see!" she chuckled. "You can rest if you want"

"No, I want to drive da!" she felt that it was demand rather that a request. "I need a phone" she added.

Russia search on his pocket and lend her a phone, which she received cheerfully. When she hangs the phone a black car appeared on the front lobby. Nodding she told Russia it was his. Full of excitement he quickly grabs the keys and also invited her to join him, which she kindly accepts. Russia was like a little kid with a brand new toy. He inspected everything and nothing was left untouched.

"This is great!"

He started to drive on the highway. Everything was normal and he was more than happy. His vacation was really going according to his plans. He smiles when he thinks that he would sleep without waking up in the middle of the night just to find Belarus at his side. It was close to heaven alright.

"Russia go slowly!"

Almost heaven alright. The girl at the passenger seat was giving him instructions on how the roads on her country started and ended and the Russian doesn't like to be ordered around by anyone.

"Russia! Stop at the red light! This is NOT your country"

He was getting a little anxious. He grabbed a bag, the only bag he always carried and pulled out a bottle of vodka and started to drink.

"Russia! That's illegal here!"

He started to drink more. Probably she didn't understand that he only did that to make her shut her mouth. But, she continued to boss him around. Russia was getting more impatient by the moment and to stop his nerves he drinks even more.

"Look out asshole!" a man on the street yelled. She just covered her face. The Russian lowered the car window and slowed down the speed.

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay out of the sidewalk da!" the Russian replied.

To make the day of the Russian even perfect it started to rain; the only thing that the girl on the passenger seat did was to clench her nails on the seat and pray between her lips. But, down the alcohol effect he was driving quite well, for an instant.

His side was full of bottles and he just continued until he took both hands of the wheel and looked behind. Suddenly the car jolts a little and he parks the car at the left side of the road.

"What was that da? He smiled

"RUSSIA!" she screams and the Russian covers his ears.

A police car goes to his side and looked at the vodka bottle on his hands. The Russian waved his hand and smile to the officer.

"My kind sir, you know what you did right?" the officer kindly ask taking out a small notebook.

"Hичего" the Russian smiles. The officer and the girl on his side looked at him.

"Russia, don't be stubborn! You know how to speak English!" she grabbed him from his arm and moved his side by side. The Russian just smiled.

People started to gather around the incident as well as ambulance and other police officers. Even though she tried the best, Russia didn't speak a single English word to the police. She kindly told the police he didn't meant to do anything; he just didn't know the roads very well since he was a tourist. But, her efforts were in vain, Russia was taken by the police. Behind bars Russia stood quietly while the police asked him a few questions that he didn't answer. They also made him took an alcohol test, which surprised show that he haven't drink not even a drop.

"Sir, what did you do?" the officer again asked nicely. "Hичего" the Russian added smiling.

"We need a Russian translator!" the officer left the room. Russia just laughed

After eight hours of being lock behind bars the same police came and let him go. Russia was kind of confused, he did knew what he did, but he just enjoyed how the police drown on that little incident.

"You are free to go, since the translator is on vacation!" the officer said. "But, you can't leave the island"

Russia just laughed and goes outside to see the girl kind of frustrated at him; his laugh was reducing to mere chuckles that were low, but constantly.

"Russia" she paused to look at him. "I'm really sorry that you're vacation ended like this" she weakly smiled. She then called a taxi and both of them get in.

"Нет, это было прекрасно" The Russian smiled. She just looked and shakes her head in disapproval and sighs.

_Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy and please leave a review!_

_Spanish_

_Hola__= Hello_

_Russian_

Hичего_= "Nothing" _

Нет, это было прекрасно_No__, __it__was__perfect_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for coming enjoy and Hetalia doesn't belong to me. _

_

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_She was sitting in her desk her bangs covering her brown eyes. She was really busy trying to figure out few letters that Ivan, better known as Russia had written a few minutes ago, but she didn't have the slightest idea of what it meant and also she find out that Alfred was a liar because Google didn't help a bit. She cursed under her breath and looked at Russia that was smiling at her.

"So innocent…yeah right!" she whispers.

She returned to her previous chore when Alfred entered the room and forces a smile, which Ivan did as well. She didn't care a bit if they both ended fighting or something else right there in her office she just wanted Ivan to speak in English; something the Russian didn't want to do.

"Hello, Russia…" Alfred said biting his bottom lip, but Ivan just smiled. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you Carmen" he adds without taking his blue eyes off Russia and she just nodded.

"Why my flags had disappeared from the bridge? All of them?" he said in an angry tone. "Ask Vin Diesel not me" Alfred and Ivan looked at the girl that continued with her paperwork and both of them frown. "Why Vin Diesel?" Ivan and Alfred said in unison, but Ivan quickly covered his mouth. He looks, but Carmen or Alfred didn't notice he just speak in English. Safe. She rolled her brown eyes and look at them directly, sighs and returns to her work.

"I can understand if it was Russia" Ivan glared at Alfred. "But, what connection has Vin Diesel and the missing American flags?" Alfred sits on the desks and starts playing with a blue pen.

"Let say that your flags are not the only ones that had gone missing, but it has a HUGE connection" she says taking away Alfred's blue pen, which quickly Alfred takes back. She angrily sighs. "Anyway Alfred, why you here? Aren't you supposed to be at Washington?" she says trying to take the pen back, but her efforts were in vain. "I heard that Russia can't speak during his stay here and trust me that's one million times better that being at Washington" Alfred laughs while Russia swallow all the words he wanted to say.

"Anyway, let find those missing flags" Alfred happily yells. "I have to call Egypt for something, but-

"Nonsense!" Alfred grabs both Carmen and Russia from their arm and smile.

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_Okay sorry it was short. Review. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for coming and hetalia doesn't belong to me._

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"We should go to eat" Carmen protested from the behind of the car. Ivan stared at her smiling innocently. "Not now. Must find Vin Diesel" Alfred said while texting something on his phone. "I'm SO hungry I could eat a whole Mc Donald's along with parking and employees. I swear" Carmen said crossing her arms and pouting at Alfred that just ignored her and continued with his driving.

Ivan quietly stare outside watching the people go and the tourists smiling, buying and taking photos. He got startled and started to poke at Carmen's shoulders, panicking. Carmen frowned and looks at his purple eyes. "Talk" she snorted. "нет, никогда" he quickly replied, crossing his arms as well.

"Let me trough dude, not cool" Alfred yelled at a security guard. Ivan and Carmen quickly looked at America. Carmen saw the gray uniform and started to shake. "Who do you think you are?" The policeman said taking a small notebook out of his pockets. "I'm the Unites States of America" Alfred yelled back. The man looked at him with a glare and started writing. "Kid and I am Santa Claus, now your name"

America crossed his arms and pouted while Russia was grabbing Carmen from her arm because she was trying to run away. "No, I'm the United States of America, I mean it and I need to see Vin Diesel" America said getting out of the car. "Hey, Yankee, shut your mouth and tell me who the hell are you?" "Я видел брата Америки с ружьем" Russia yelled taking out his water pipe, panicking again. "He's going to kill me! The end is near, people" Carmen yelled. The policemen frown and look at America. "On second though kid, you can go" He said running away.

"Good, no one can mess with the hero!" America smiled and returned to the car. Russia was sitting on the passenger seat while Carmen was behind smiling. There was a silence until America got stuck on a traffic jam. "Why?" He said with an annoyed look on his face. "The bridge is close" she laughed hysterically.

"Вин Дизель" Russia pointed at a bald man taking photos of different women. "Fast Five. I forgot I send them to film here" America laughs nervously. "Look the flags!" Carmen pointed at the poles where the American flags were tied together. "'T. " America faints.

Carmen and Russia scream together. If America's falls, watch out world. That's a terrible omen. While Carmen was running in circles Russia stopped with the screaming and answered America's phone.

"привет" Russia said happily. "Russia? Umm anyway…can you tell Alfred I'm in jail…by the way this is Matthew his brother remember? Bye" Russia jaw slightly opened and his blinked twice.

America quickly woke up and saw Carmen running in circles. "Carmen" he said in a serious tone. Carmen quickly stops and goes to America's side. "You will pay for it" Carmen brown eyes became watery. "Vin Diesel, WHY?"

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_Review_

_Translation__:_

Вин Дизель: Vin Diesel

Я видел брата Америки с ружьем: I saw America's brother with a gun

Привет: Hello

нет, никогда: No Never

_Small Info.: Okay….really short…so sorry…but…I had to do it…and Carmen is my OC based of my puertorican friend…she loves to exaggerates things and she's always hungry…and…crazy. She makes me laugh, she's the best. Also the traffic police in Puerto Rico are considered the bogeyman of the drivers…they stop you even if you exceeds just 1mph from the speed limit…very strict and they don't give a second chance even if you beg…._

_There's a bridge in P.R called "Teodoro Moscoso" is the longest of the island and from the beginning til' end EVERY pole has the USA flag, is really pretty I love it. Well, Vin Diesel crew came to film Fast Five (Fast and Furious) and they tied the USA flags down without permission of the government….hello! I could understand if it was Puerto Rico's flag (they shouldn't do this to any flag) but, USA FLAG!_


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